IT'S ALL RELATIVE

IT'S ALL RELATIVE

WADE ROUSE

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TWO FAMILIES, THREE DOGS 34 HOLIDAYS AND 50 BOXES OF WINE (A MEMOIR)

I woke with a start last New Year 's Eve after my head had fallen into the giant red enamelware popcorn bowl I was holding in my lap. Homemade caramel corn was stuck to my chin, !jerked upright and looked over at my partner, Gary, whose head was painfully tilted sideways - like a broken jack-in-thebox. "Get up!" I shouted, sta�ng at the clock. "Just look at ourselves! We 're pathetic. " "It's New Year's Eve, " Gary said sleepily. "It's what we do on New Year s Eve. It's called relaxing. " "It's S p.m.," I said. "We 're not relaxing. We 're comatose. " It seemed shocking to me that we had become our parents some time between dinner and "The Wheel of Fortune. "

- from It's M Relative." by Wade Rouse